Yesterday was a day I was trying so hard to stay aware of my actions. I’ve tried to allow God to redesign my life and heart, so that I can be a better me for Him. I’d spent the morning in study and prayer, then got ready for work. I’ve been trying to find a second job for the summer months, since I work for the school system and we don’t get paid for those three months we are off. I’ve applied for a few that I thought for sure I’d get, but I was praying that God would open a door, and close the ones that He doesn’t want for me. Of course the one he opened isn’t one I thought would be the one (isn’t that how we always think), but it looks like this will be the one he wants for me for these three months at least. I try not to question, because we don’t know who he wants us to be a blessing to, and we should never be so proud to work anywhere where he has a plan.
Well, as I was getting ready to leave, a co-worker asked me if I had always been a “goody-goody.” I was shocked. I thought about her question, and then I began looking at my actions, and reactions to see how she had come to that perception of me. I try to be real with everyone, that has always been my deepest desire. I’m not ashamed to tell people that I have a back story. A really hard and painful backstory. To become the woman of God I am today hasn’t been easy, and of course I’m so far from perfect, but my desires have changed. She then asked me what was the worst thing I had ever done, and I told her a story of a time of rebellion, where she looked at me almost dumbfounded.
What bothered me the most about this conversation is that the body of Christ have given this image for so long. I know this to be true because when I was younger and trying desperately to find my way back to God, I thought everyone around me that was a Christian was perfect. They didn’t talk about their faults, or weaknesses, they just acted like once they came to Jesus they were instantly perfect. I am an imperfect person who belongs to a perfect God. I strive every moment to be better, but I don’t want anyone to think that I am too good, or perfect. Paul said it best when he said “I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate.” (Romans 7:15) We all live in a fleshly body, and we will fail God at times. That doesn’t give us a license to sin, but it also tells us that we need God more. We need God because He is the only one that can help us to be able to overcome these sins, but we will never be perfect, only our God is perfect!
I don’t ever want others to feel that I am perfect, and I never try to act like I am. I am a sinner saved by Grace, and no better than anyone else. I’m on my own potters wheel in God’s hands, not ashamed of my journey because I have a story to tell. I just pray that as I am approached by others that ask me this question, that I can let them see that every child of God has a backstory, one leading to the cross, and one leading to restoration.
(c) Angie Counter *Beyond The Scars Ministries* 2017